My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
