you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
