Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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