I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
