dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
