I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
