After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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