last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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