Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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