What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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