hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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