I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
im holly from the hills drunk
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
