seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
