How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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