you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
