yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
