it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
