Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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