Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
