I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
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