just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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