he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
