Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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