none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
