Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
