Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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