Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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