My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
