How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I think I sprained my soul last night
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
