wrigley field is MILF paradise
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
