He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
