I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
