He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
