the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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