it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
