Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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