I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
