a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
