Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
