Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
