I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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