theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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