You don't have asthma, your pregnant
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
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