I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
