do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
