Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
