you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
No I am not eating basil off your cock
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
