you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
