1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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