I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
