Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
