'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
