So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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