Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
