Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You smell like stripper and shame
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
