In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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