I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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