I can't breathe out the right side of my face
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
