I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
organizing the empties. That sober.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
